I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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