i always forget guys have bellybuttons
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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