"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Randomize
