I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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