absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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