i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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