Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
