Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
