lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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