Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
