theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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