he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
