i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
is it fun? or sober?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
