I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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