so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Found your dick twin last night
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
