Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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