she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Randomize
