Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
