I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
