I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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