Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
