Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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