I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize