you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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