Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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