mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I deserve this hangover.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
