New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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