Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize