Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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