Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
pop tarts are not kleenex
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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