i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
