There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
