I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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