I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
