: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
