just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
