remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
