I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I need to stop coming to work sober
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
