we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
