So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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