Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Boobs are out for the taking
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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