This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
