it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Four minutes until I can fart!
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
