I need to stop coming to work sober
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
