you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
