thus making me awesome and them whores
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Randomize
