remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
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