It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
