cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
