just tell him i said nine months
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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