why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
