those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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