1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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