I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
