It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
