No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
