i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
