the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
