She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
