Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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