and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
