you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
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