I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
