Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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