So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Did I show you my penis last night?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
