I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
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