I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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