Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
