oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I met the friendliest cop last night
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Floor bacon is actually really good
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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