when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
