I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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