the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
