i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
