After last night, I could never be a politician.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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