you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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