i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
He felt like a one man threesome
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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