toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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