can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
