nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
