My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
