I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
